Yes - you know her - that skinny girl inside us - you can normally shut her up with chocolate ?? Well My skinny girl doesn't like me eating chocolate anymore ... age related ? Who knows ... but give me anything dairy nowadays and within half hour ... well - you know. :P
So what do we do ?
Here I am ... 35 ... Five kids ... overweight.
Don't get me wrong ... it didn't happen overnight - and although I know I kept a token 5 kilos from each pregnancy .. I have never actually been a 'skinny' person ... yep - my skinny girl has been hiding for YEARS !
Do I want her to come out ? Darn tootin'! I am sick of feeling flabby and slow and no use to anyone .. I don't even feel pretty anymore ... BUT I say that a lot .... so will this time be any different ?
Maybe .... I want to keep a photo log .. and an honest account of what I put into my body and how I expend my energy - at the moment - the most expending I do is housework and walking around the grocery store - obviously - this isn't the kind of sweaty workout that gets results so something has got to give.
History ? Okay - I will share that if you would like me to :)
Never a skinny kid I 'dieted' (starved/binged) my way through my teens (Oh Lord .... if I could ONLY weigh what I did then NOW !!) I got into a relationship with my now hubby and all thoughts of dieting stopped .. after all I had Prince charming and he loved me for me !! Oh so sweet right ?
THEN - he puts a ring on my finger (exciting yes til I realised that it meant pudgy me would be shopping for a wedding dress !) So we hit the pavement (my favourite form of exercise) and watched what I ate and dropped the kilos ... I wasn't a skinny bride (I weighed in at 68 kilos) but I was acceptable.
Then we had kids and although with the first I put on quite a few kilos ... I still only retained 5 kilos after the birth (and still I retain it after 10 years - I am a sentimental kinda gal!) I did this with every child over the next six years (yes - 5 pregnancies in 6 years ... stupid girl!) and then we decided it was time for a holiday ... so I worked out and ate less and even did a stint with Jenny Craig ! I went and lost myself 20 kilos and got down to 80 kilos which when I was pushing 100 seemed rather a nice size to go away in :)
Holiday food and relaxing put on a few kilos and there the climb began again... why ? I don't know ... my biggest problem I think is that whenever I am stressed or angry I eat .. I truly wish I was one of those people who can't eat when they are worried but no not me .. pass the ice cream please !
I can't really blame anyone but me for my weight gain and I know that ... but in my defence I have a husband that has had 2 heart by passes 4 shoulder operations 2 knee ops .. a knee replacement and a mild stoke ... hardly a stress free household ! And half my kids have allergies and/or eczema/asthma. Again ... no ones fault but mine ... but I seem to always be worrying about something ... and then I need to chew (I make myself sound like a cow - but there it is)
So here I am back up near the 100 kilo mark again (a little afraid to weigh myself), I don't feel good about it - I don't like it and I know I am not a good role model for my kids. I want to be a different person ... I don't want to be angry at everyone because I am 'fat' ... I want the world to know that I want to change and I hope that that will give me some incentive to keep going ... if everyone is watching what I do - I hope that I will be more likely to keep doing it.
I will have photos, weight, and measurements to post up soon.
I hope you will join me on my journey, there are sure to be ups and downs - good and bad days ... but I eventually hope to become the fit and healthy mum I know I am on the inside...
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